The Laird of Balmachie

The Laird of Balmachie was a devoted husband as well as a man of duty and responsibility. His wife was incredibly unwell, but he had been forced to attend urgent business in Dundee. Not wishing to be away from home any longer than necessary, the Laird left the safety of the roads for a shortcut across the hills.

As he galloped over the open landscape, he spotted a huddle of fairies carrying somebody wrapped up on a stretcher. It didn't matter that he was in a hurry anymore, his conscience wouldn't let him just pass on by. The Laird rushed over with sword drawn, placing it across the group before shouting "In the name of God, release your captive!"

Fairies can’t bear cold, hard iron and they immediately dropped their package, speeding off in all directions. The Laird was shocked when he saw who the fairies were carrying away to their kingdom. It was his very own wife lying there sleeping, still wrapped up in her bedsheets.

Abandoning all ideas of Dundee, the Laird managed to get his wife safely home before interrogating the servants. He roared questions at them, but they all stared back in confusion. The maid had only just checked and the Lady of the house was still tucked up in bed, safe and sound.

Fairies are full of tricks and the Laird of Balmachie knew them well. As he entered the bedroom, he stoked the fire in the hearth and went to inspect the bed’s occupant. It looked like his wife and it sounded just like her too. He suggested that she get out of bed to warm herself by the fire, but the figure replied that she was too weak to stand.

The Laird gently picked her up and walked over to the fireplace, but instead of heading towards the chair, he tossed her into the flames. The fairy imposter bounced out of the fire with a high-pitched squeal and shot up through the roof like a rocket!

The Laird's real wife eventually recovered, now safely back in her bed. However, the hole in the roof could never be fully mended. Every time it was patched up, a storm would blow open that reminder of their close call with the fairies.