The Night of the Living Dead

Back in the early 19th century, Aberdeen’s medical school needed a regular supply of bodies to satisfy its anatomical studies. With a shortage of legal cadavers to dissect, the graveyards of the town and surrounding countryside became plagued with immoral bodysnatchers. Newly buried corpses were dug up to be sold at the back door to doctors willing to pay a high price and ask few questions.

One dark night, a pair of disrespectful graverobbers set about the theft of one very fresh body that would fetch good money. Rumbling along the road back home, the villains saw the welcoming lights of an inn and realised their digging had worked up a thirst. They were going to make a decent profit, so why not stop for a wee celebration?

Rather than leave their cart and their cargo unguarded, one of the pair came up with a novel idea. Taking the corpse from the back, they sat him upright on the driver's bench, covering the shroud in a coat and hat. Off they went into the warmth, chuckling at their human scarecrow.

As the graverobbers entered the pub, one of the local men came outside to make his own journey home and as he wandered past the cart, he shouted a cheery greeting to the deceased cart driver.

Receiving no answer, the drunken man began to get irate. Angry about being ignored, he stormed up to confront the ignorant fool but stopped in his tracks when first he saw the shroud, then the shovels in the back of the cart. He knew exactly who the body belonged to and decided to teach the bodysnatchers a lesson.

The man carefully hid the body before donning the big coat and hat, then took the empty spot on the driver’s bench. Before long the two graverobbers stumbled out of the pub and back to their cart. They weren't too far from home so left the body where it was, sitting on either side to stop it from flopping over.

As they rumbled along the track, the man on the left was dozing off when he felt a sharp nudge in his side. Then the man on the right felt something on his leg. Looking down he saw the corpse's hand had fallen on him so he went to move it back when he froze in confusion and shouted to his friend, "Why is the corpse warm?"

Then between the two men, a deep voice boomed, "You'd be warm too if you'd just come back from hell!"

They had never run so fast in their lives and the experience convinced both to give up moonlit grave robbing for good.